


Enough

by Kazymyr



Series: heartbeats [4]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: A lot of figuring out how to life, A lot of pain, Angst, Bantering, Camp Half-Blood, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Not So Subtle Flirting, Pining, Protect Will Solace 2k17, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Teenage boys being teenage boys who have no idea how to be in love, Turns out Will is too, Violence, Will's mother is a gem, a lot of feelings, nico is a badass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-10-08 18:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10392750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kazymyr/pseuds/Kazymyr
Summary: “Yeah well,” Nico said, forcing a tense smile. “At least it wasn’t all bad. It uh- It could have been much worse.”“I guess,” Will said. “But it should’ve been better.”Or...In which the world flips upside down, Nico finally gets it, and Will still manages to make obscure 80's movie references.





	1. I feel a million miles away, still you connect me in your way

“Oh no.”

“Oh _yes_.”

“Come on! _Really_? Camp _just_ started!”

“Yes! Oh my gods… yes. I can’t- I’m so sorry. I’m sorry but this is going to be hilarious- “

“This is _not_ going to be hilarious! This is going to be a nightmare. He’s going to be unbearable and _you_ don’t have to deal with him!”

“I know! That’s why it’s so great! I just get to sit back and- I wouldn’t do that if I were you, kid,” Percy said, holding a hand out between Nico and a new, curious camper who was creeping closer to Nico’s bleeding arm. “He’s kind of got a _no touching_ policy…. unless your name is Will Solace, in which case you can touch him a whole-“

“ _Percy_.“

“Sorry. I can’t stop myself. It’s like… a real problem I have.”

Nico dropped his head into his free hand as another one of the campers, a boy with a rounded haircut and thick glasses peered up at Percy with a sour look on his face. Nico wracked his brain but couldn’t remember his name. “Who is Will Solace?”

Percy blinked. “Oh uh… well, if you haven’t met Will yet, that’s probably a good thing. He’s our best combat medic and he’s in charge of the infirmary. He uh, bandages us up whenever something stupid happens. He’s a great guy. You’ll all really like him. He’s Nico’s better half.”

Nico pinched the bridge of his nose. “Are you serious right now?”

“Yeah. Oh. I mean- Sorry, sorry. _Other_ half. It’s not really fair to call him _better_. He _is_ nicer though.”

“To _you_ ,” Nico huffed, blood trickling down his arm. He frowned as the red seeped into the sleeve of his shirt. “He’s going to be so annoying. I think this shirt might be his.”

Percy paused, his eyes slowly lighting up. “You’re joking… Oh my gods you’re not! This- this is amazing!”

Nico’s hand clenched into a fist and before he could do anything, a little girl with dark auburn hair stepped forward and tugged at Percy’s hand.

“I met him, I think. Is he the doctor with pretty blue eyes?”

Percy waggled his eyebrows at Nico. “ _Oh so_ pretty.”

“Is he another son of Hades?”

“No, get this, he’s a son of Apollo and-“

“Percy,” Nico said as calmly as he could. “If you don’t shut your mouth I will, personally, make sure that your next words are your last.”

“Yikes.“

“To reiterate, I am _bleeding_ so unless you want to explain to _him_ why you let me bleed to death – which you _don’t_ because I know for a fact that you’re not that much farther down the list of ‘ _schist_ he’s had enough of’ – you _might_ want to consider packing this up.”

Percy muttered a quick “ _Oh. Right. Yeah, yeah, sorry”_ before taking the sword out of Nico’s hand. Nico clamped his hand down above the gash on his arm and winced as he felt his skin tug at the pressure. He shot Percy a look.

“This isn’t over.”

“Oh, I’m sure it isn’t. In fact, I think it’s just getting started but you’re right, we should probably stop the bleeding first. Come on, kids. Let’s go visit doctor Solace.”

Nico’s frown deepened and he turned on his heels in the direction of the infirmary with Percy and the campers in tow.

Nico usually loved the first few weeks of camp. The first few weeks were the best. Percy, Jason, Annabeth, Piper, and Leo were all back to help the camp set up for the new summer, Mr. D had yet to threaten anyone with physical violence, and the infirmary was only the slightest bit busy so Will was still able to participate in a lot of the camp’s activities.

The first few weeks were the highlight of Nico’s entire year. Stitches and another speech about his lack of self-preservation were not the way he wanted to start it off.

As they crossed the camp, Percy did his best to keep anyone from running off while each one of the campers peppered him with questions. They were all pretty good kids, each of them no older than ten, and most of them claimed the moment they set foot in the camp. Nico didn’t mind them. He actually kind of liked most of them. He liked answering all the questions and he liked watching their faces light up when they blurted things out like: “ _That’s so cool!”_

The kid with the rounded haircut creeped him out a little bit, not because there was anything wrong with him but because he always seemed to be staring at Nico. Unlike a lot of the others, his godly parent hadn’t claimed him yet, but he didn’t seem worried. Nico’s only real problem with him was that he could not, for the life of him, remember the kid’s name.

 _It starts with a T, right?_ He thought, side-eyeing him as he watched Nico’s every move. _Tim? Teddy? …Todd?_

Nico’s toe caught the bottom step of the infirmary stairs and Percy’s hand came slapping down onto his shoulder to steady him.

“Come on, Death Boy,” Percy said cheerfully, directing him forward. “Your better half awaits.”

Nico growled and took a swing with his good arm.

Only a couple of beds in the infirmary had campers in them, mostly newcomers who had arrived with some sort of monster on their tail. Clovis was perched in one of the beds with his ankle elevated from where a Hermes cabin prank had already gone wrong. Rachel Elizabeth Dare was leaned back in another, legs crossed at her ankles and an amused look on her face as Percy led Nico in.

No one was severely hurt, just bruises and bumps, which explained why Will wasn’t in immediate view. Kayla caught sight of them and she opened her mouth to say something but after one quick glance at Nico’s arm, she clamped a hand over her mouth and tried her best not to laugh.

“He’s uh… He’ll be right back.”

From behind him, Percy attempted to corral their campers into a reasonable area and Nico tried to decide if making a run for it was even worth the effort. Next to him the kid whose name he couldn’t remember ( _Thomas? Taylor?)_ was staring at him with suspicious eyes. 

“What’s your problem?” the kid asked as Nico glared at nothing in particular.

“You’ll see.”

“How?”

“Because it’s about 6’0 and blonde. You won’t be able to miss him.”

Not a moment after, Will stepped into the room and Nico’s stomach took that exact moment to trip over itself.

W _hich is stupid_ , Nico told himself. _It’s just Will._

But Will was never just _Will_. Today his legs seemed miles long and his freckles were darker than they had been two weeks ago in California. Similar thoughts had crossed his mind that morning when Will wished him a _good morning_ on his way to breakfast and even then Nico had almost choked on his Cheerios.

 _Which is stupid_ , Nico reiterated to himself.

It was just that summer had always looked good on Will and Nico wasn’t entirely sure why he was so much more aware of it now than he had ever been before.

Will made it about two steps into the room before his eyebrows shot up. For a brief moment he almost looked as if he were about to smile and Nico’s chest began to swell before Will caught sight of Nico’s arm and all the emotion drained from his face as he raised a hand toward the door and in a calm, steady voice said: “Get out.”

Nico groaned. “Come on.”

“Out.”

“What do you mean _out_? I’m _bleeding_.”

“I can see that,” Will said flatly, walking to Rachel and handing her an ice pack. “Don’t get it on my floor.”

“I’m not- Isn’t it like… against your Hippocratic oath to turn away a patient?”

“Fortunately for me, my Hippocratic oath doesn’t cover _stupid_ , Neeks.”

Nico puffed out his cheeks. “Okay, first of all: rude. And second: this arguably wasn’t my fault. This was Percy’s.”

Rachel snorted and pressed the ice pack to her temple. Percy waved his hands frantically in front of himself.

“Woah! It was an accident! I didn’t-“

“Okay, _first of all_ ,” Will mocked, stepping forward and ignoring Percy. “I don’t care. Second: I know you’re faster than him so if you weren’t-“

“Hey-“

“Jackson.”

“Right.”

“You,” Will said, taking a closer look at Nico’s arm before narrowing his eyes. He lifted a hand and cuffed Nico in the back of his head. “That’s what you get for showing off!”

“Ow! I wasn’t! I was just-”

“ _Showing off_ and- you didn’t even put a tourniquet on it? Really? Are you new here?”

“I’m _holding_ it-“

“Well for gods’ sake at least _elevate_ it-“

“I am!”

“You’re- You have no concept of self-preservation-“

“You can save the speech. I already know- ow! Watch it!”

“You watch it,” Will accused with a finger pointed into Nico’s face after he manhandled Nico’s arm upward but before he jabbed it in the direction of one of the beds. “Camp just started and I already have to stitch you up so I don’t want to hear it. Get over there.”

Nico grumbled and dropped himself onto the edge of the nearest cot. Will disappeared into the supply closet. Terence, TJ, or whoever the Hades he was stared at Nico.

“The doctor is kind of a jerk,” he said.

“You don’t even know the half of it.”

Nico shifted the hand that was wrapped around his bicep and winced as the skin moved. A trail of red ran down his elbow and Nico watched as it landed in a red splatter against the infirmary floor. He made a face.

He hated when Will was right.

Something soft hit him in the side of the head and when Nico looked over he found a rolled towel lying next to him. By the time he looked back at his arm, Will was already there, wrapping some type of rubber tubing above where Nico was holding his hand and then there was a tight squeeze and Nico could almost feel his blood flow seize.

 _Right_ , he thought. _So maybe it works a little better_.

Will lowered his arm, nudging his hand away and absent-mindedly handed him the towel before he turning his attention to the young campers that were peering over at Nico curiously. Will dropped his hands onto his hips and the kids all clumped together, all looking as if they were prepared to be scolded.

Nico pressed the towel to his arm, trying his best to mop up most of the blood.

“All right future awesome demigods,” Will started, hunching down to be eye-level with the new campers. “Who wants to help me pick out the colour of Nico’s bandage?”

The kids surged forward, their hands darting up in the air, bouncing on their toes. Will grinned, ushering them all towards the back of the infirmary where Nico could hear the floodgate of questions that flew out of their mouths.

“ _Is Apollo really your dad?” - “What does he do anyway?” - “What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever seen?”_ \- “ _Have you ever had to put someone’s arms back on?”_

Nico shook his head, looking up at Percy who was standing with an amused look on his face.

“You were like that too, ya know,” he said.

Nico opened his mouth to disagree but then stopped himself, thinking back to the first time he met Percy and how he hadn’t been able to shut himself up. “Yeah fine. Whatever. It was a long time ago.”

“Yeah, aside from the fact that you’re still kind of like that whenever he’s around. Just grumpier.”

“Fuck off. What’s the weird kid’s name?”

“The weird kid? The one that kind of looks like you with a bad haircut?” Nico flipped him off. Percy laughed. “Tucker. His name is Tucker.”

 _Right_ , Nico thought, and then repeated the name over and over in his head.

When Will returned, the kids were still excitedly following him, tugging at his shirt, and pointing in all sorts of directions. Will did his best to humour them, shuffling his way toward Nico with a clear, plastic bin balanced on his hip and an electric green bandage in his hand.

“ _Is it always sunny where you are?”_ – “ _Can you play any instrument you want?”_ – “ _What if some’s head got cut off, could you fix them?”_

And then louder than anyone else, Nico’s new favourite camper asked: “Are you _really_ Nico’s other half?”

The room went eerily quiet and Nico had an epiphany.

 _It’s me,_ he thought in awe. _I’m going to be the one who finally kills Percy Jackson_.

Will raised his eyebrows, looking at Nico briefly before sliding his gaze over to Percy. “Honestly Percy?”

“Oh come on! Am I wrong?”

“He’s going to kill you someday, you know that right?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“First step is admitting it. Why don’t you show Team Awesome here the rest of the infirmary? I’ve got work to do.”

“Yeah, fine. Come on crew,” Percy called, guiding the campers away from Nico and Will. “Let’s go bug Rachel-“

“No, you don’t. She has a headache. Leave her alone.”

“ _Fine_. I’ll show you guys where Will keeps the lollipops.”

Will watched as the group began darting off in different directions of the infirmary, picking up Kayla along the way who shot Will a wink and the clear message of: _I’ll take care of this_. Will smiled and Nico mirrored him as he watched all the kids ask Kayla why her hair was green.

The beginning of camp was always the best.

“Hey,” Nico said, nudging his foot into Will’s as the room quieted. “I can’t feel my fingers.”

Will turned his attention back to Nico, blinking a few times before leaning over to dig through the bin he had set on the edge of the bed. “Serves you right.”

“Harsh.”  
  
“So is bleeding on my infirmary floor, which,” he dropped his eyes to the floor before flicking them back up at Nico. “Did I tell you so or… did I tell you so?”

“Don’t rub it in.”

Will shook his head and took a seat next to Nico, curling one of his legs up onto the bed and then hooking the other over Nico’s knee as if they were back home watching TV. He pursed his lips and peered at Nico’s arm, reaching into the bin and snapping on a pair of plastic gloves before turning it over in his hand and frowning. “I’m not happy about this.”

“That makes two of us,” Nico grumbled and then added: “Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I mean, it was an accident.”

“No, it wasn’t. You were being careless.”

“That’s the same thing.”

“No,” Will said with a sharp look. “It isn’t.”

Nico dropped his gaze and picked at the imaginary fuzz on Will’s jeans, drawing his leg closer for some semblance of comfort. He moved his eyes up briefly but Will wasn’t really looking at him, he was seeing whatever it was he saw when he was looking at a patient, trying to figure out what the best course of action was and the best way to treat them. Usually Nico liked seeing Will like that. He liked the way Will’s eyes focused in on things Nico couldn’t even see. He liked watching Will’s brain tick, but whenever it was Nico, there was something else; a sort of displeasure and sadness that lurked behind the rest of his thoughts.

“I hate it when you look like that,” Nico muttered, flexing his fingers into the fabric of Will’s jeans.

“Like what?” Will replied, letting go of Nico’s arm and digging through his bin before applying thick salve over the cut. “Inconvenienced?”

“Disappointed.”

“Yeah well, you should take better care of yourself then. You’re not…” Will mumbled a string of words under his breath. Nico’s arm pulsed with warmth. “You’re not invincible you know.”

“I know.”

Will shifted Nico’s arm, wrapping it with gauze before following it with the electric green bandage. “This ones not that bad.”

“No stitches?”

“Not this time.”

“Thanks.”

Will hummed an acknowledgement but his face didn’t relax. He finished securing Nico’s bandage and then stood; taking off his gloves.

Nico stayed silent as Will started putting his things away. He felt like a child who had let down one of his parents, and while it wasn’t uncommon for Will to be curt with Nico when he injured himself, he seemed particularly distant. There had been considerably less ridicule than Nico had anticipated, and instead of staying curled close to Nico’s space, Will immediately removed himself the moment he could. Nico couldn’t even remember the last time Will had willingly left their joined space.

He watched as Will picked up the roll of gauze. He frowned.

Will’s hands were shaking.

“Hey,” Nico said, watching Will’s hands. “Everything okay?”

Will’s fingers twitched as they secured the edge of the bandage roll. “Yeah. Everything is fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Of course, I’m sure I’m just-“

“Lying?”

Will stiffened. His eyes turned to slits and Nico could almost see the sharp retort sitting on the edge of his tongue. Nico stared back at him, eyes firmly set and waited for Will to decide if he was going to continue to be stubborn or if he was just going to fess up to what was wrong.

Will opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He made a face and then deflated, sinking to sit back down on the bed and leaned forward onto his knees so he could drop his head into his hands.

“My head hurts,” Will admitted. Nico scrunched his eyebrows together.

“Again? Have you taken anything for it?”

“Yeah, but it’s not working.”

“How long has it been hurting?”

“Ever since we got back to camp.”

Nico’s hand stilled from where it had slid up to Will’s neck. “Why didn’t you tell me?

“It’s not a big deal.”

“But it’s almost been a week since we got back. That’s not normal, Will.”

“I know, it’s just-“

“Have you talked to Kayla about it?”

Will shook his head, sitting up straight. “No. I’m sure it’s going to be fine.”

“Will-“

“Neeks,” Will said, turning to look at him with a thin smile. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Nico said. “You’ve been having these headaches a lot. You think I’m bad but you’re just-“

“A product of watching you?”

“Shut up. I’m being serious-“

“I _know_ ,” Will drawled, tipping his head back and releasing an overly dramatic breath. “And it’s freaking me out. You’re going to catch _feelings_ if you keep this up, ya know.” Nico glared at him and Will’s eyes widened in faux-shock. “Oh my gods, what if it’s too late? Maybe you already have them? You’re _worrying_! Aw, my little Neeks is all grown up and human now.” Will clapped his hands onto Nico’s cheeks and squished them together. “You’re so cute when you care.”

“I’mgonnapunchyou.”

“What was that? I can’t hear anything over the sound of your adorable face. Sweet, soft, little Neek- _ow_! Hey! What was that for?”

“I tried to warn you.”

“Rude,” Will said with a smile. The tension in Nico’s stomach began to uncoil. “I was just telling you how cute you are.” His eyes flickered to the sleeve of Nico’s shirt and smirked. “Which you are. Especially when you steal my clothes and start worrying about me.”

“Fuck off,” Nico said, feeling his cheeks get warm. “Mom put it in my bag.”

“Uh huh. Sure. You know if you missed me this much you could just come say hi. You don’t need to like-“

“Please stop talking.”

“No,” Will said, draping himself across Nico’s shoulders. “I just- If you’re here I have to irritate you. I can’t help myself.”

“Yeah, and I can’t even explain how sick of your shit I am.”

“Liar,” Will grinned, pressing his nose into Nico’s cheek. “You love me. In some sick, twisted way you love me. You can’t live without me. Your life would be meaningless and joyless without me. Admit it.”

“No."

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Say it.”

“Will Solace,” Nico said, turning to take Will’s face in his hands. “You are the light of my life… and every day all I dream about is different ways to snuff you out.”

Will’s eyes narrowed and he reached up and dropped a hand onto Nico’s face, shoving it away as Percy, Kayla, and the campers filtered back in the room. “Jackson,” Will said, trying to smother Nico as he laughed under Will’s hand. “Get this _thing_ out of my infirmary.”

“What did that _thing_ do to you?”

“It exists, and all it does is break my heart.”

“Honestly, Nico,” Percy said as Nico managed to push Will’s hand away. “You should be nicer to Will. Your life would be meaningless and joyless without him.”

Nico’s mouth fell open. “How did- _What_? He _literally_ just said the same thing.”

“’cause it’s true,” they chorused, shrugging their shoulders in tandem.

“I hate you both,” Nico said, standing up. “You’re terrible and horrible and I don’t deserve any of this.”

“Well, that’s definitely just not true,” Will chuckled, nudging him in the back of his leg. “Get out of my infirmary, Death Breath.”

“With pleasure.”

“But you awesome guys and gals,” Will said, turning to the young campers who are all looking at him as if he were some sort of magician. “You are welcome here whenever you want, and if you, or anyone else, gets hurt, you run straight to me and let me know, okay?” There was a wave of enthusiastic head nods. Will grinned. “Right on. I’ll see you all you cool cats at the campfire tonight.”

Will escorted them toward the door, all the kids asking Percy what the campfire would be like. Nico stayed a few steps behind, trailing after Will who was still smiling even as he kept his hands tucked into tight fists to stop them from shaking.

“Hey,” Nico said when Percy and the campers were just out of earshot. Will hummed and Nico moved closer, placing a hand on the back of Will’s neck and kneading his fingers into skin. “You’ll tell me if it gets worse, right?”

Will’s eyes dropped shut. He leaned into the touch. “Mhm.”

“You promise?”

“Of course. Would I lie to you?”

“If you thought it would make me happy, you might.”

Will cracked open one eye. “Guilty.”

Nico sighed. “Why don’t you lie down or something? We can like… go nap it out in my cabin. I-“

“Neeks,” Will said, laying a hand against Nico’s arm and giving him a soft, affectionate smile that did strange things to Nico’s stomach. “I’m fine. Thank you for watching out for me but it’s nothing. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

Nico pursed his lips and Will nudged his head over to where Percy and the new campers were waiting for him. He gave Will one last long look and then conceded. “Fine,” he said, letting his hand linger for a second longer. “But if anything happens I am holding you personally responsible.” Nico hopped down the steps from the infirmary and turned back to call to Will as he walked towards Percy and the campers. “I can’t protect you all the time, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Will smirked with a dismissive wave of his hand. “You’ll die trying anyway. Worry about yourself first. You’re no fun when you’re falling apart.”

Nico smirked and flipped a middle finger in Will’s direction. Will mimicked the gesture, sticking his tongue out for good measure.

Nico turned back around, grinning to himself as he jogged to meet up the group. He was met by an unnecessarily stern look from Tucker. “What?”

Tucker scrunched up his nose in distaste. “Percy was right. You guys _are_ kind of gross.”

Next to them Percy started laughing and Nico punched him in the shoulder, but instead of telling either of them that they were wrong, he simply smiled and turned to look back at the infirmary where Will was disappearing inside.

 

* * *

 

 

Will appeared to be fine the next time Nico saw him. He was smiling, laughing, and balancing one of his youngest siblings on his shoulders as he tried to organize the rest of his cabin into their allocated spots by the campfire. The weight that had been sitting in Nico’s chest lifted itself just enough to appreciate the sight of Will playing big brother and he figured that was a good enough start. He would deal with the rest later.

Toward the end of Will’s school year, Nico noticed his headaches had become more frequent. Will had always sort of joked that headaches were an Apollo thing; it was the curse of being so closely related to oracles and prophecies, but it hadn’t made total sense because Apollo had been quiet for years. Nico didn’t think too much of it until their end of the year plans shifted from long adventures out with Holly and Pip, to quiet nights in where Will would curl up next to him and fall asleep. He figured it was just sort of something he was going through and once they got to camp, once they were back to where Will had everything he needed, those feelings would pass and his mind would be settled.

But they hadn’t, and even though the smile on Will’s face was bright, there was still something tense and tight sitting at the bottom of Nico’s stomach.

During the campfire ceremony, the remaining campers were all claimed. Nico watched as a new Aphrodite child stared up at Piper with dreamy eyes, and then as another set of twins that looked suspiciously like the Stolls if the Stolls had been blonde-hair blue-eyed girls with pigtails in their hair, were claimed by Hermes. Finally, Tucker, who didn’t look even remotely surprised, stared at Hecate’s sigil over his head and carried on as if nothing had happened.

As the satyrs began playing music, Percy and Jason left their spots to find Annabeth and Piper. Uncharacteristically alone, Nico followed suit, trying to get a glimpse of Will in between groups of people.

Will was sitting on the far side of the arena, listening intently to Lou Ellen as she animatedly told a story that apparently required a lot of hand gestures and blushing. Nico placed a hand on Will’s shoulder; silently letting him know he was there before taking the seat next to him. Will turned and gave him a quick smile, turning back to Lou Ellen, who gave Nico a quick wave as she continued telling her story. Will laughed at whatever she was saying and dropped his hand onto Nico’s knee.

“It was actually really kind of cute,” Lou Ellen said with colour high in her cheeks. “Don’t laugh at me, Will.”  
  
“I’m not laughing!” Will cried joyously. “Well, okay I am, but I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Lou Ellen said. “How have you guys been? Was your school year okay? I feel like a terrible friend. I should’ve asked you both about this earlier but with the new campers-“

“No, I know,” Will said, motioning between him and Nico. “Both of us too. I’ve got them in the infirmary and Nico has been helping Percy and Jason so we get it. It’s been a busy week, and it looks like you’ve got a new one on your hands. Lucky you. He’s Nico’s favourite.”

Nico narrowed his eyes and Will knocked their shoulders together.

“He’s a good kid,” Lou Ellen, smiling just slightly as she watched the two of them. “I’m actually kind of excited. There aren’t a lot of us so it’s sort of nice. I guess his mom has been practicing for a long time and she’s not a demigod or anything but she’s an exceptionally talented mortal. He was very matter-of-fact about it all when he told me.”

“Sounds like him,” Nico said. “He’s kind of a creepy kid though.” Will’s elbow dug itself into Nico’s side. “Ow! What? He is!”

“That’s _rude_.”

“It’s _true_.”

“Really? Son of Hades? Ghost King? Prince of the Underworld?”

“What? Just because I have friends in low places means I can’t get creeped out by a little kid?”

“Yes,” Lou Ellen and Will chorused.

“You guys are brutal.”    

“There you are!” Someone exclaimed. Both Will and Nico turned to see Cecil clambering down the last few arena seats. “I’ve been looking all over for – Hi Will. Hi Nico – you!”

Lou Ellen looked around her and then splayed out her hands. “I don’t know what you were looking for. I’ve been here the whole time.”

“Well, yeah but… I lost track of you and the new twins are already giving me a run for my money. I think they just set something on fire.”

Will groaned. “Lose one set of crazies, get another.”

“It’s okay. I think Leo put it out. Anyway, look.” Cecil pointed to the small group of people who were dancing down on the main floor.

Lou Ellen blinked. “What?”

“People are dancing! We should too. Come on. There’s like- don’t even worry about it. No one will see you. It’ll be fun.”

“I- No.”

“But you love this song!”

“I do not love ‘ _Party in the USA’,_ Cecil.”

“That’s- huh. I thought this was ‘ _Uptown Funk’_.”

“Which doesn’t even merit a response.”

“Oh come on. I’m not good at this, you know that. Just- Will! Stop laughing at me!”

“Sorry,” Will snorted, ducking his head into Nico’s shoulder to muffle his laughter. “Keep going. You’re doing great.”

Cecil huffed and Nico watched as Lou Ellen laughed and caved, standing up and taking Cecil’s hand. “Okay fine. Just one though.”

“Maybe two.”

Lou Ellen rolled her eyes and looked back at Will and Nico. “We’ll be back. Maybe. If he doesn’t accidently kill me.”

Nico watched as the two of them stumbled their way down to the rest of the dancers. Cecil, who had seemed so adamant and confident just moments before was now flailing and unsure of where to put his hands until Lou Ellen grabbed them and planted them against her waist. Will watched them with fond eyes and Nico continued to look at his face as his grin grew wider and wider.

Something low and warm flipped pleasantly in his stomach and all the apprehension he had felt earlier disappeared.

“What are you so happy about?” Nico asked, bumping their shoulders again. Will glanced at him briefly, beaming as he turned his attention back to where his two friends were dancing.

“I mean, are you seeing this?”

“That stupid smile on your face? Yeah, I see it.”

Will squeezed his knee. “ _Cecil_. He’s trying so hard to sweep her off her feet.”

“Well, it looks like it’s working.”

“It _worked_ ,” Will corrected. “Cecil went to visit Lou Ellen before they came to camp and I guess there were some pretty sketchy one-liners but he finally came out with it.”  
  
“No kidding,” Nico noted, turning to look at where the two of them were dancing. Cecil was smiling so big that for a moment Nico thought his face might split in half. “So they’re a thing now?”

“They’re _definitely_ a thing now.”

“Well, I mean… that was only a matter of time.” Will chuckled. “What? Was it not?”

“Oh, it definitely was. Just took forever.”

“Some people need more time than others,” Nico said, lifting an arm and kneading his fingers into the back of Will’s neck again. “How’s your head?”

“M’fine. How’s your arm?”

“Fine. My physician was an asshole but otherwise fine.”

Will gave him a smirk, scooting himself further into Nico’s space so he could lean back against his good arm. “You probably deserved it.”

“Well that’s a given.”

Will’s leg was warm against his, and even though the summer air was comfortable around them, Nico still found himself leaning close. His hand felt like fire against Nico’s knee, but it wasn’t in the same way that had made Nico recoil the first time Will had touched him. This was different. This was the sort of feeling that made his stomach turn and want to thread his fingers through Will’s. It wasn’t normal, he knew, but he gave up normal a long time ago when he finally admitted to himself that Will was a special sort of stunning and there was nothing Nico could do about it.

All around them there were snippets of conversations, stories of how the year had gone, plans for the summer, _I missed you_ ’s and _how have you been_ ’s all to try and sound out how the future would go. Nico didn’t know what would happen after both Will and he found themselves at the end of their education next year, but the one thing he was sure of was that wherever it led him, Will was bound to be nearby.

Earlier in the week Percy had made an idle joke about “ _where there’s a will, there’s probably a Nico_ ” and Nico had rolled his eyes at the time but couldn’t tell him he was wrong. He didn’t even want to.

Nico smiled, soft and to himself, watching Will stare unabashedly happy at the dancefloor. Nico’s heart swelled in his chest and without thinking much, he leaned forward and pressed his nose into the side of Will’s hair.

“Hey,” Will chuckled, reaching a hand up to rest against Nico’s neck as he squirmed away. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing. Sorry.”

Will grinned, turning his head to look at Nico. “Are you?”

Nico shook his head, smiling. “You want to dance?”

Will blinked. Once, twice, then half a dozen times in rapid succession. “I uh- what?”

“Do you want to dance?” Nico repeated and then when Will continued to stare at him and start sounding out something about not wanting to be the third wheel, Nico rolled his eyes and said: “With me, idiot.”

A series of emotions flickered across Will’s face; shock, excitement, curiosity, and then settled into a suspicious sort of disbelief. “You’re joking,” he said slowly.

“I’m not, believe it or not. I actually really like dancing. I used to dance with Bianca all the time. My mom taught us when we were young and it’s not like we had an Xbox back then. We danced just for fun.”

Will stared at him. “You’re serious.”

“I’m so serious. I am even willing to show you how serious.”

“This feels like a trap.”

“I can promise it’s not. My traps are much more elaborate.”

“That sounds like something someone who was about to spring a trap would say.” Nico sighed and leaned himself against his seat in defeat. The corner of Will’s mouth quirked up and he tilted himself into Nico’s space, eyes squinting suspiciously. “Why would you want to dance with me anyway?”

Nico made a face. “That’s a stupid question.”

“I’m willing to accept a stupid answer.”

“You’re just fishing for compliments. I know you. You just want me to feed your ego.”

“So feed me, Seymour.”

Nico grunted. “ _Little Shop of Horrors_? Really?”

A slow, cheeky smile crept across Will’s face and the look that painted itself into his eyes made Nico squirm in a way that was strange but not entirely unpleasant. “I’m not going to lie, the fact that you managed to catch that one turns me on a little.”

Nico choked and immediately started coughing. “You’re so fucking gross,” he said, shoving Will’s face away. “And that was easy.”

“Yeah well, you know me. I’m a sucker for 80’s movies-“

“Not _that_ ,” he groaned. “About the- Just- All I wanted was to dance. That’s it. Why are you the way you are?”

Will laughed and stood, dusting his hands off onto his jeans before offering them to Nico. “All right fine. Let’s dance. You’ve wooed me with your obscure movie knowledge and now I am ready to be wowed by your musical prowess.”

Nico stared at Will’s hands and stood without them, just to be annoying. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“I know it.”

“Can you follow? Because I only know how to lead.”

“Boy, if that isn’t a metaphor for your life then I don’t know what is,” Will snorted. “What? Tell me that’s not true.”

“Forget this. I’m just going to go ask-”

“Oh no you don’t,” Will said seriously, his hands gripping into the sides of Nico’s shirt and holding him firmly in place. “Don’t you dare do that to my poor, little heart. It’s already got an arrhythmia problem because of you.”

“An a-rhythm-what?”

“Not important. Just don’t be mean.”

Nico smirked, coaxing Will’s hands into his. “You’re stupid,” he said, tugging Will’s hands to lead him down towards where Lou Ellen, Cecil, and the other campers were dancing. “I’m serious. I have no idea why you are the way you are.”

“Hey!” Will squawked from behind him. “I’m your best friend, asshole.”

“I know, which is why- like… why do you even bother asking me why I want to do something with you? Of course if I do _anything_ it’s going to be with you. You’re always my first pick and so I don’t get why sometimes I need to tell you that you’re- …Will?”

Nico stopped as he felt Will’s fingers slip from his. He turned, and as he did, Will collapsed to his knees. Will’s eyes rolled back and he hunched forward, clutching his head as if he were trying to claw inside his skull. Nico dropped to the ground, darting his head around to look for some kind of help, but when he looked, he saw that Will wasn’t the only camper at his knees. All of the Apollo children were dropping one-by-one.

The music stopped and the grounds went silent.

Will’s fingers gripped tightly into his hair, nails digging too far into his scalp. Nico tried to steady him as he curled in onto himself, but it was like something was suffocating him. His vertebras stood sharp against his back and when Will’s mouth dropped open, no sound came out.

Beneath Nico’s fingers he could feel something unsettling happen in Will’s veins. Something wasn’t right. Something was terribly-

A scream reverberated through the arena.

Nico’s head shot up. The sound wasn’t human. It might have been once but it had been decades since it had been in its own body. Nico’s skin crawled and when he shifted his head to see where it had come from, he saw Rachel Elizabeth Dare standing along the edge of the arena, her body distorted and eyes glowing bright.

Green smoke poured from her mouth and the voice that followed shook Nico straight to his core. He tried to listen to her words, tried to rationalize them, but he heard nothing.

All he could see was the Oracle of Delphi looking straight at Will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *emerges from cave, disheveled, and holding a teacup upside down*
> 
> *blinks at the sun*
> 
> *goes back into cave*
> 
> https://kazymyrz.tumblr.com/


	2. You create in me something I would’ve never seen

The moment the Oracle stopped speaking Will was whisked out of his hands and Nico couldn’t even remember who had done it. The only thing he did know was that for the rest of the evening Will stayed locked in the Big House with Chiron, Mr. D, and Rachel.

The Oracle hadn’t spoken in years and ever since Apollo’s disappearance the camp had found an uneasy sort of harmony. The Oracle couldn’t spout off doomsday prophecies and Nico sort of appreciated the false sense of security. Now, campers that had been at Camp Half-Blood for years were hearing the Oracle speak for the first time and the discomfort that laid itself over the camp was almost tangible.

Nico tried not to think about the Oracle’s words, the grim air that hung around them, and the way that Will looked like a lamb marching off to slaughter as Chiron led him across camp.

The door to the Big House remained closed for the rest of the night, and at no point was Nico summoned to join them, or told what was going on. He tossed and turned in his bed, watching the ever growing light outside his window until the sky was bright white and an unsteady knock cracked against his door.

He scrambled from his bed, still dressed in the clothes from the day before and ripped open the door to find Kayla. Their eye contact lasted half a second and then her eyes immediately flew to the ground, rubbing the toe of her shoe into the dirt.

“He’s leaving,” she said quietly. “He- he didn’t want you to know but… It just didn’t seem right.“

Nico blinked, his mind slow to process the sound of her words. “He’s what?”

“Leaving,” Kayla said again, keeping her eyes low. “For his quest. Lou Ellen and Cecil are going with him.”

Time slowed and for one, long, horrible moment Nico was sure he had misheard something. His mind was somewhere between Will thinking he could do this alone and then realizing he didn’t but he didn’t want Nico to be with him.

Something hot and poisonous slithered low into his stomach and the feeling was almost familiar. It was something he’d felt before but it had been a long, long time. He tried to place it, tried to make sense of it but it didn’t- Nico couldn’t seem to associate it with Will.

_Betrayal_ , something in the back of his mind hissed. _I tried to warn you_.

Nico’s stomach lurched and he placed a hand on the doorframe to steady himself.

“He’s um- he’s in the cabin. The rest of us are going to say a prayer to Apollo or… whoever is listening I guess but if- if you wanted to catch him… no one would stop you.”

Nico stared at her, nodding his head to rattle his thoughts and then thanked her because he couldn’t think of anything else to do before he took off running toward cabin seven.

The sun was barely creeping over the horizon. The majority of the sky was uncharacteristically gray and something low in Nico’s chest felt a panic, like if Will left maybe the sun would never rise again.

He skipped the steps into the cabin, two at a time, his toe catching on the final stair. He tumbled forward, using a hand to keep himself from falling but felt a sharp twist in his wrist. He winced as he continued to slide into the cabin, his eyes darting for any sign of Will.

The cabin was silent and the eeriness was not lost on Nico. The Apollo cabin was usually filled with music. Every corner was lit with sunshine but now there was nothing. The air was heavy and all the joy that was typically present was gone. Nico skidded around a corner, catching his bandaged shoulder on the edge of it and cursed audibly before catching sight of Will, who had his back turned to him as he tightened the last few straps on his pack.

Nico heaved in a breath and opened his mouth.

“Don’t,” Will said. “Don’t say it.”

Nico clenched his hands into fists and fought the urge to throw one of them against the wall. Will _knew_. He knew everything that was going on in Nico’s mind before even Nico had and instead of just being honest with him, he would rather run away.

(The whole situation seemed very _Nico_ and that thought only made him madder.)

“What do you mean _don’t_?” Nico spat. “Did you honestly think I wouldn’t find out?”

“Well, obviously you would.”

“So what? You just didn’t want to be here when I did?”

“That was the idea.”

Nico grit his teeth, stepping forward. “What the-“

“ _Don’t_ ,” Will said, whipping around and placing a hand between them. His voice was unforgiving but his eyes were red and cracked. “This isn’t about you. This isn’t your decision and I already know what you’re going to say.”

"Really?" Nico barked with a short, incredulous laugh. “So that’s it, huh? That’s all it took? Your deadbeat dad calls, you come running, and what? Fuck everyone else in your life? We don’t matter? Even though we’re the only ones who gave a shit about you for your entire life? Now dad needs help and you’re willing to die for him all because you’ve never been his favourite? Really? Are you that desperate to make him notice you?”

“Fuck you,” Will glared.

“I’m not the one asking you to die, Will. I shouldn’t-”

“No, you’re just asking me to be a coward. You’re asking me to turn my back on my entire family just because you think I’m not strong enough to protect myself-“

“That is _not_ what I said,” Nico snapped. “I would _never_ tell you that. I’ve spent the last… how many fucking years telling you that you were _always_ good enough. You were good enough for Apollo, good enough for the camp- good enough for everyone. You were always smart enough, brave enough, strong enough- _whatever_ enough for someone who wasn’t ever worth your time. You don’t owe him this. You don’t need to die for someone who abandoned you. You’re not-“

“I’m not what? Supposed to listen to fate? Supposed to do what every other demigod who has ever been called to a quest did? Stop acting like you know how this is going to end. No one-“

“Really?! _That’s_ your comeback? You’re not sure? Because I am pretty sure only _two_ of you are coming back. That’s it. Just two.”

“But it’s a quest for three-“

“Yeah! Because one of you _dies_ -“

“Fuck _off_ ,” Will said, his hands clenched into the side of his bag as he refused to look at Nico. “I don’t… _care_ what you think. I don’t care if you want me to go or not. This isn’t about you, it’s-“

“Just another way for Apollo to ruin your life?”

“It’s about them!” Will cried, swinging his arm out to gesture to the rest of the cabin. “It’s about all of _them_. You don’t- you don’t get it. We’re not kids of the Big Three. Most of us will never do anything so amazing with our lives that we’re going to be remembered for it but that’s not- that’s not even the point. _You_ have the luxury of having a relationship with your dad. You know him, you talk to him, you can look at him and understand bits and pieces of yourself but we don’t- we don’t have that. None of us really know our dad, I mean, me especially but none of us have that great of a relationship with him. I’m not- I’m not doing this for me. I know Apollo wants nothing to do with me, I don’t know why the Oracle thinks I should be the one to go but I’m going to, because this is my family and I’m not going to rob them of the chance to get to know their father just because I was too afraid to go.”

Nico paused, watching as Will’s shoulders deflated, tension strung out into every edge of his body as he dropped his head into his hands, clutching at his head like he just wanted to be rid of it. Will didn’t want this. None of this was his doing, but that didn’t stop the poison that sat heavy in Nico’s heart.

“This…” Nico said, looking around the cabin. “This is your family?”

“Yes,” Will croaked as Nico’s heart dropped into his stomach. “They’re all I have.”

“So, your mom and me, we just… don’t matter?”

Will’s head snapped up and over. “That’s not what I said.”

“But it is. It’s exactly what you said.”

“This isn’t about you!”

“Then make it about her!”

“She knew this might happen! Every demigod parent does. She understands that our families are-“

“Stop saying that!” Nico cried. “You keep talking about _family_ but what about us, Will? What about _our_ family? Mom and I are just supposed to...  _figure it out_ without you? You think it’s that easy? I’ve _lost_ my family. I already know what that’s like and-“

“Then why the fuck is this so hard for you?” Will shot back, throwing his hands into the air. “Losing people should be something you’re good at by now.”

The air in Nico’s lungs collapsed and his mouth slammed shut. He found himself jerking back as if Will had reached out and punched him and in full honesty, Nico almost wished he had. He blinked, staring at Will but there was nothing. No apology. No _“I didn’t mean that”_. It was just him, telling Nico that he wasn’t even second place in his life.

Nico’s chest was ripped and raw and it hurt in a way that he had never felt. He was one, giant, open sore and there was nothing he could do to close the gap. He was helpless and instinctively, something hot burned behind his eyes and he had the desire to lash out. He wanted to hurt Will. He wanted to make him feel just as wrecked and ruined as he did.

Nico’s insides felt like they were being torn to shreds, but Will stood unrelenting. Nico balled up his hands into fists and Will just stared at him, daring him to do what he could clearly tell was written across Nico’s face.

Never once, in the entire time they had known each other, had Will been afraid of him.

_But he should be_.

Nico took a step; fists clenched at his sides. He reached up, grabbing Will by his collar and yanked him forward, flexing his fist before lifting a hand and slamming their mouths together.

In hindsight, Nico was pretty sure he had meant to punch him. Punching him might have been kinder, for a lot of reasons, and it probably would have almost been more comfortable because this… this was _bad_. The angle of their mouths was all wrong and really not much of an angle at all. They were entirely too close and Will’s nose was pressed painfully into Nico’s. There was so much pressure, so much lack of space between them that Nico could feel the outline of Will’s teeth from behind his lips and this was nothing, _nothing,_ like what he had imagined kissing Will would be like.

This was a huge mistake.

Nico jerked himself back, stumbling over the corner of a rug and flailing an arm out to catch himself before Will scrambled forward and steadied him. His eyes were blown wide open and it almost looked like his lip was bleeding but Nico couldn’t be sure if the blood was from him, or Will.

( _But it doesn’t really matter, does it?_ Nico thought. _It’s all the same anyway_.)

“Wh- What-“ Will sputtered, his eyes wide and fingers digging into Nico’s arms so tightly that Nico could feel his short, surgeon nails. “What are you doing?!”

“Sorry! I didn’t-“

“No!” Will cried, looking as flustered as Nico felt. “No, not that. Why did you- You _stopped_ \- And- I- I thought you were gonna punch me!”

“I was!” Nico blurted out, feeling a little breathless and a lot like he might have an anxiety attack. “I mean- I thought about it- I wanted to- I think I was supposed to but- I- You- You actually thought I was going to hit you?”

“Yes! You were like- I- I mean I shouldn’t have said that. I knew- That- I would’ve deserved it but I wasn’t expecting-“

“Yeah no,” Nico rushed out. “Sorry. I shouldn’t’ve-“

“No! Yeah. I mean- I don’t care. Don’t- Just- Come here.”

Will reached forward and took Nico’s face in his hands, and before he could stumble over the same fold of carpet that had tripped Nico, Nico stepped back into his space and pressed their lips together again.

Will didn’t hesitate this time. His hands moved to the back of Nico’s neck and Nico could hear the sharp intake of breath through his nose as he tugged gently at the base of Nico’s nape so he could pull back just far enough to readjust their mouths. The new angle was… good. It was great. It was the best thing that ever happened to Nico, not because either of them were particularly skilled but because Nico had _wanted_ for so long and now his entire body burned with satisfaction. He felt calm and alive all at once and the feeling was so profoundly _Will_.

Will’s mouth was soft and his hands were purposeful. He kissed with his entire body and every push and pull felt like the rhythm to a song that Nico didn’t know, but desperately wanted to. He gripped at Will’s sides, keeping his hands flat against his body to keep himself steady as the world spun around them. He pressed forward, searching for more pressure and Will responded by pulling him impossibly closer, hands splayed out against Nico’s back. His mouth dropped open just the slightest, and Nico took it as an invitation, sliding his tongue against the gap between Will’s lips and was met with the enthusiastic press of Will’s own.

Will made a low sound in the back of his throat and the sound shot straight down Nico’s spine. He delved further and Will let him, meeting every press and slide of his tongue with his own swift pressure.

Nico needed this. He hadn’t known how much he had needed it until right then but now he felt stupid for thinking that he could have ever gone through life without it. Will _did_ taste like sunshine. He tasted like the fourth of July and the colour gold. He was home and desire and bad jokes about bad movies but he was everything Nico needed and wanted and… Nico couldn’t let that go. Not now. Not ever. Not after finally getting the chance to hold him and be with him like this.

A new sort of desperation flooded into his veins. He tightened his hold onto Will’s body, trying to memorize every piece of him that he could. He needed to remember this. He needed to hold on to this for the rest of his life because this- what if-

_What if this is the last time?_

Next to them, something clattered to the floor and when their lips pulled apart, a wet _smack_ echoed through the room _._ Will blinked up at him owlishly, eyes hazy and cheeks flushed. He was still staring at Nico’s mouth, lips wet and still slightly parted. Nico wanted to see that look one Will’s face every day and without thinking he found himself leaning forward again before Will turned and Nico remembered what had stopped them originally.

Will’s pack laid splayed out from where it had been balancing on his bed and the weight of reality came barreling back into the pit of his stomach.

Will turned back to look at him, his eyes immediately dropping to Nico’s mouth and Nico caught sight of just the barest hint of Will’s tongue as it darted out to moisten his lips.

Nico _wanted_. He wanted more than he knew he had ever wanted anything.

_Why do I feel like my body suddenly caught fire?_

“I should…” Will’s voice trailed away and Nico knew what he meant, but he didn’t want to. He nodded his head but made no move to let go. Will’s hands stayed flat against Nico’s chest, and with a reluctant push, he slipped out of Nico’s arms.

Nico let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding and Will leaned down and started picking up the few things that had spilled out of his bag.

Nico reached up and ghosted his fingers across his mouth.

It had happened, hadn’t it? His body was burning but it wasn’t- it wasn’t _bad_. He wanted this feeling and he wanted to feel it forever, but not just with anyone. He wanted this feeling with Will and he wanted it with only him.

The beginnings of a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. “Will-“

“You don’t need to apologize,” Will said quickly, refusing to look at Nico. “You don’t… need to tell me that it was an accident or- or whatever. It’s fine. Shit happens. We’re all just- Yeah. It’s fine. We don’t have to talk about it. Just don’t apologize.”

Something cold doused over Nico and with it, all his warmth and bravery disappeared. He stared at the ground and felt greedy for assuming that maybe Will had felt the same. “I wasn’t going to.”

Will’s head shot up in surprise. “You weren’t?”

Nico shook his head. “No.”

“Oh,” Will said, turning back to look at his bag. “That’s- that’s good.”

The silence that fell between them was uncomfortable and Nico wasn’t sure if he had ever felt that way with Will. Their friendship had been easy. They always met each other where they were comfortable and sometimes they pushed and sometimes they pulled but it was only ever to make the other better and…

This wasn’t that. Instead Nico felt like he had stolen something that wasn’t his. Something that maybe he was never meant to have.

He shook his head and toyed nervously with the edge of the bracelet around his wrist. He was losing Will, one way or another.

“Where will you go?”

“I don’t know,” Will said quietly, rebalancing his backpack onto his bed. “The Oracle didn’t really give us a direction but Chiron thinks maybe Artemis will help us.”

“Do you think he’s right?”

“I don’t really know. It’s- It’s her brother, her twin, she has to know something. Mr. D… I think he knows something but he wasn’t willing to say.”

“I can imagine,” Nico muttered, dropping his eyes to bracelet, watching the gem blink with an unusual, rapid pace.

_It’s a gift from my father_ , Will had told him. It was the only real thing Will had from his father and he had given it to Nico. He frowned and tugged the end of the cord, unraveling it as Will stuffed his final few things into his pack.

“Here,” Nico said, holding the piece of jewelry out to Will. “You should-“

Will’s eyes widened. “No!” he blurted out, reaching a hand out to halt Nico’s movement “I mean… no. Um, thanks, but you should keep it.”

_I don’t think you really want me to anymore_ , Nico thought briefly but instead said: “You don’t you think maybe it’ll help you find him?”

“No, it- I mean it might but it’s- it’s not- It’s-“

“It’s what?”

Will let out a heavy breath and squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don’t make me do this right now.”

Nico’s heart sank and he stared at the charm lying warm in his hand. “Okay,” he said because after today it wouldn’t matter anyway.

“Thanks,” Will echoed, staring down at his pack. “I have to go.”

“I know.”

“Will you walk out with me?”

“If you want me to.”

Will was slow to respond, but he nodded. He eyed the cord in Nico’s hand and reached out to take it, tying the two ends together. He stared at it for a long moment and then handed it back to Nico, careful not to touch him, and motioned for Nico to put it around his neck. Nico obliged silently, and when he was done, Will gave him a tight smile and turned, hoisting his pack onto his shoulder and walking out of the cabin.

Kayla was waiting at the bottom of the stairs as Will stepped out and when Nico looked out across the camp, he could see Cecil and Lou Ellen standing at the edge of the barrier, both carrying their own grim cloud.

All of them were thinking the same thing. While Will was telling them to be brave and be strong, the rest of them were wondering if this was the last time they would ever see him.

Will jumped down the last few steps and pulled Kayla into a tight hug.

“Hold down the fort for me, yeah?” He said, leaning back to give her a smile and wipe away the tears that were pouring down her face. “I don’t want to get back and find out Austin has ruined my supply closet again. You can’t let him in there to organize, no matter what he says.” Kayla nodded her head frantically and Will leaned forward to plant a kiss on her forehead. “Everything is going to be okay. I’ve just got to go get dad out of some trouble and I’ll be back before you know it. You’re going to be a great head counselor. You won’t even get the chance to miss me.”

Kayla choked out a weak sound and immediately waved a hand in front of her as if to dismiss it. “Be safe, okay?”

“Always,” Will smiled, turning his attention to Nico. “Take care of her, okay?”

Nico nodded.

“All of them. They’re going to need it. I think they’re kind of hopeless without me.”

_Me too_ , Nico thought. _How am I supposed to do this when you’re not around?_

Will raised up a fist and Nico stared at it for a moment before raising his own and bumping his knuckles against Will’s. “I’ll see you around, Neeks.”

Will gave them both one last, long look and as Nico stared back at him, he wondered what Will was thinking. Is this what he wanted? Was there anything else he had wanted for the both of them? Or was this how it ended? With the two of them pretending that nothing was wrong.

When he turned to walk away, Nico instinctively stepped after him. He told himself not to, he made internal point to actively not, but his body had other ideas. So much of his time over the last few years had been spent following where Will had gone, so much time keeping him close that it didn’t seem right. This wasn’t the way the future was supposed to go. Will was walking off to meet fate on his own and Nico wouldn’t be there. Something was going to be there to want to hurt Will, and Nico couldn’t protect him. He reached out to catch Will’s hand, but stopped himself.

This wasn’t Nico’s battle. This wasn’t about him and Nico had no business stepping in between Will and fate. Will didn’t want him there. He had made his choices without Nico.

Nico pulled his hand back, but as he did he realized Will had stopped as well. When he looked up, Will was staring back at him with lips parted and… Nico knew that face. He had seen it before. He had seen it on lazy mornings, in tight spaces when the two of them were too close, and the beach the last time they had gone to a movie with Holly and Pip. Nico knew that face, but he never knew what it meant.

Nico stayed still and Will hesitated for a moment, but then quickly turned and threw himself at Nico.

Somewhere, in the back of Nico’s mind, he understood. He knew this was all too much to ask for. This was more than any one person should have. No mortal, no god, no living, breathing anything had any right feeling the way Nico felt about Will and this, _just_ this. This could be enough.

_Maybe there won’t be another time,_ Nico thought as he pulled Will close. Maybe this was the last one, maybe this was the _only_ one, but at least they had it. At least after a lifetime of wanting, Nico could close his eyes and pretend for just a few seconds.

“I’m sorry,” Will said into his skin. “I’m so, so sorry. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. I-“

“It’s okay,” Nico said, his hand stroking up the back of Will’s hair. “I know. You don’t have to-“

“It’s my heartbeat.”

Nico froze, blinking one, two, three times before his mind caught up with the rest of him. “Your…- What?”

“The stone,” Will said, voice cracking and uneven. He tugged at the cord around Nico’s neck and pressed his hand against the light that was pulsing wildly against Nico’s chest. “It’s my heartbeat.”

Will reached for Nico’s hand with trembling fingers, fitting it against the left side of his own chest until Nico could feel the steady thrum of Will’s heart under his fingertips. He held his breath and looked at the gem around his neck, watching as it stayed in perfect time with the rhythm beneath his fingers.

Nico’s brain lapsed and the world shifted.

A long time ago, way back to where the edges of his memory were faded, Nico remembered asking his mother how he’d know if someday he was in love. He couldn’t remember what she looked like, couldn’t remember the sound of her voice, but he remembered what she said:

_You just know._

_But I didn’t_ , Nico thought, staring into the bright blue of Will’s eyes. _I didn’t know at all._

And then:

_I think I’ve loved you for a long, long time._

Nico’s hand slid up Will’s neck, gently coaxing him forward and Will let himself be tugged, falling easily into Nico’s hands. Idly he acknowledged that Kayla was only a few feet away and Lou Ellen and Cecil weren’t much further, but it didn’t matter. He pulled Will forward and kissed him.

Will’s arms wrapped around him tightly and he tugged Nico close, meeting him with fervor. Nico tasted salt, and summer, and gold, and the rest just didn’t matter.

_I love you_ , Nico thought. _This entire time I’ve been in love with you and I didn’t realize what it was_.

Will’s breath was shaking and the hands on the sides of Nico’s face were still trembling. Nico could feel the tears that were streaked down his cheeks but he couldn't tell if they were his or Will’s.

“I love you, you know that right?” Nico rushed out quickly and Will’s head nodded against his, frantic and clumsy so their noses bumped together.

“I know. I love you too. Please don’t think I don’t because of-“

“No. I know,” Nico said, nodding as well and trying to breathe in every part of Will he could. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”

“I’m scared.”

“Me too, but you’re going to be okay. We’ll-“

“But what if I’m not?” Will asked, eyes wide and pupils blown open. “What if something happens to me? What if this is the last time-“

“It won’t be,” Nico said firmly. “Even if- even if something happens, I’m going to see you again, okay? This isn’t how it ends.”

Will blinked up at him several times. “I- …You promise?”

“I promise,” Nico said. “And if you need me, at all, for any reason, all you have to do is let me know, okay? I’ll be there.”

“I can’t ask that of you-“

“You’re not. I’m telling you. I’d go with you if you’d let-“

“No,” Will said quickly. “You have to let me do this. You can’t try to protect me this time. Let me be the one. Please.”

Nico bit the corner of his mouth, staring at Will for a long moment before reaching forward and jerking him into another hug. “Please come back,” he said into Will’s hair.

“I promise,” Will replied, squeezing back and fisting his hands into the sides of Nico’s shirt. “Thank you for catching me this morning.”

“You’re an idiot for thinking I wouldn’t.”

“I know but in my defense, it went _exactly_ the way I thought it would up until… Well, it didn’t.”

Nico let out a small breathy laugh and pulled back to look at Will properly. “Sorry.”

“Please don’t be,” Will said with a small smile, placing a hand on Nico’s face and looking at him with serious eyes. “And please don’t be mad at me. I have to do this.”

“I know. I’m not.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Nico said, forcing a tense smile. “But it’s- I mean… At least it wasn’t all bad, right? It uh- It could have been much worse.”

“I guess,” Will said with a heavy nod. “But I think-“ Will looked out across the camp before turning back to Nico. “I think it should’ve been better.”

Nico’s chest cracked and he tried not to fall apart as Will leaned forward and placed one last lingering kiss to his mouth.

He watched as Will reached Lou Ellen and Cecil, and then he watched as the three of them disappeared across the border of Camp Half-Blood with Nico’s insides feeling as if they had gone with. He stood with feet frozen to the ground because the idea of moving felt like he might lose something, like his last memories of Will were somehow tied to a single spot.

This was the end of happily ever after. All the plans, all the hopes, all the dreams were never going to come true because fate decided a long time ago that happiness wasn’t meant for people like Nico.

He had borrowed happiness much longer than he deserved, and now the world was taking it back.

_It could have been much worse_ , he thought, reaching up to grab a hold of the glowing pulse hanging next to his heartbeat.

_Yeah. But it probably should’ve been better._

 

_A father in need, a son long forsaken,_  
_The stage has been set for bonds to reawaken._  
_Beware the lure of ease and paradise,_  
_And know that healing hands are carved by sacrifice._  
_Two return whilst they still stand  
_ _And one lies still in death’s cold hands._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
> ...  
> ...
> 
> *jazz hands*
> 
> https://kazymyrz.tumblr.com/


	3. When I could only see the floor...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all like dialogue...

Time became a strange concept in Will’s absence. It twisted the natural cycle of things and Nico could see it all over the camp. The infirmary was quiet, the meal times were subdued, and cabin seven remained dim even in the highest points of the day.

Everything felt gray. Nico wasn’t sure if this was his own subconscious sucking the colour out of everything or if it was something else entirely, but it seemed to make time stretch. People walked on eggshells around him and although he wanted to tell them they didn’t have to, he couldn’t. He was closed off and any time he tried to reconnect himself he just didn’t seem to fit. Everything felt far away and like he was watching it all happen from behind glass.

(His dreams felt a little like this and for a while he wondered if maybe this wasn’t all just some nightmare he couldn’t wake from.)

He still showed up to meals. He tried to talk but when people responded, he had a hard time focusing. It was hard to pay attention. It was hard to feel. It was hard to care about anything at all because he felt like his insides were suddenly twisted and out for everyone to see.

In an effort to keep himself busy, Nico spent most of his time with Mrs. O’Leary or training in one of the arenas. His arm was weak and he had apparently sprained his wrist but he needed something to focus on. He felt powerless sitting in Camp Half-Blood and he understood that if he did nothing, that feeling would turn to poison and it would spread until he wasn’t Nico anymore.

Will wouldn’t want that.

Nico stared at the shield in his hands and he clenched his fingers into the metal before hurling it across the arena. Mrs. O’Leary bounded after it, making the ground shake beneath their feet.

His wrist ached and the muscles in his arm protested but Nico just stared at his hand. It didn’t feel like anything. Nothing did. Will had been a tether that had held him together with the rest of the world and now that he was far away Nico couldn’t find his way back.

 _All that time_ , Nico thought, flexing his fingers. _All that time and I wasted it_.

“I’m pretty sure I told you not to do that.”

Nico startled and, for a moment, his heart leapt into his throat. He turned as Kayla stood a few feet away, arms crossed and foot tapping.

Instantly he felt disappointed and then stupid because he knew better.

“Sorry,” Nico said glibly as Mrs. O’Leary returned, dropping the shield down in a slobbery heap at his feet. Her tail swished up dirt along the arena floor and Nico coughed as a dust cloud hit him in the face. “Hey. Watch it.”

The hellhound leaned down and nudged the shield forward with her nose and Nico picked it up, gripping it tightly before throwing it again.

This time his wrist snapped too quickly and something hot shot up his arm. “Fuck,” he muttered, immediately grabbing his wrist and pulling it to his chest. Kayla ran forward.

“I _told_ you.”

“I _heard_ you.”

“Then what exactly are you doing?” she asked, unamused and irritated as she reached forward and pulled Nico’s arm to her. Nico gritted his teeth.

“That fucking hurts.”

“No. Really?” she mocked, reaching into the bag at her hip and digging out some salve and a bandage before tending to Nico’s wrist. “That very interesting. I would’ve ever thought. Maybe if you listened-“

“Ow! Fuck! What are you-“

“Gods. What’s with your vocab? You kiss my brother with that mouth?” Nico’s face flushed and his mouth snapped shut. “There,” she said as she finished. “I can’t just… heal everything like Will can. I’ve never been good with sprains anyway. If you keep tweaking it you’re going to have to do it the old fashioned way.”

Nico muttered a half-hearted _thanks_ and turned to look for Mrs. O’Leary, hoping to find her back and waiting, but she was nowhere near. Apparently there was something terribly interesting on the other side of the arena and the shield had been forgotten in lieu of pressing her nose against the ground.

Nico’s wrist throbbed but it was almost pleasant compared to the emptiness sitting in the pit of his stomach.

“Hey,” Kayla said, sounding apologetic. “Sorry about- I… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” Nico said. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m just…”

“A wreck?” Kayla offered.

Nico deflated. “Yeah.”

“Well then that makes two of us.”

Nico looked up. Kayla and he hadn’t spent a lot of time alone together. In fact, Nico was pretty sure this was only the fourth or fifth time it had ever happened, but he never remembered it being uncomfortable. There were just enough things about her that reminded him of Will that Nico felt like if he was going to talk to anyone, it would probably be her.

“Sorry,” he said. “I know. I’m just… a little lost, I guess.”

“Yeah, no. I get it. Which is why, ya know, I’m here. You’re not the only one trying to cope.”

Nico pursed his lips and looked up at Mrs. O’Leary who was entertaining herself by throwing the shield in the air and trying to catch it again with her mouth. He looked back over at Kayla. “You uh…” he motioned his head in the direction of the arena bleachers. “Do you wanna… sit down?”

“Sure,” Kayla said with a small nod, planting herself next to Nico as he took a seat. “How’s Mrs. O’Leary doing?”

“Fine. She’s always happier when Percy is here.”

“Even though you take care of her most of the year?”

Nico shrugged. “It’s his dog. I’m probably a close second place but she definitely has her favourites.”

 “Does she like Will?”

“Not a lot of things don’t like Will.”

“I guess that’s true,” she said, nodding her head before pausing to give Nico a crooked smile. “You tried for a while.”

“Yeah, and look where that got me.”

Kayla breathed out a small chuckle. “It’s not all bad, is it?”

“No. It’s really not.”

Across the arena, Mrs. O’Leary flipped over onto her back, rolling around in the dirt and periodically trying to catch her tail whenever it got close. Despite the insistent anxiety that stayed low in Nico’s veins, he felt a calm settle over him. His breath didn’t seem altogether suffocating and there was something familiar, reminiscent of the way it felt to have Will nearby, but not quite the same magnitude.

He looked over at Kayla and then back at the ground.

 _All that time_ , he thought again.

Nico had years of smiling without even thinking about it. Years of waking up on living room floors to cartoons and breakfast. Holidays filled with food and presents and laughter. Time between where Nico and some of the Hephaestus campers made a rainbow catcher so Nico could stay up late and talk to Will from across the country. All that time feeling like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest every time he saw Will and never realizing what it was.

Nico’s heart ached.

“I miss him,” Nico said, not looking at Kayla.

“Me too,” she replied. “I don’t think I realized how much he held us together. I didn’t- I don’t know. He just always handled things and I kind of feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“He didn’t either,” Nico said, recalling all the times that Will had ended up in Nico’s cabin, stressed out of his mind that he was totally screwing up. “He was just doing the best he could.”

“I know. He just… did it really well.” Next to him, Kayla sighed and she turned to look at Nico with sad eyes. “He tells you everything, doesn’t he?”

“Not everything.”

“But a lot, right?”

“I guess.”

Kayla nodded. “He’s my brother and sometimes I get the feeling that I don’t really know him. Like… he won’t admit to us that he’s overwhelmed, but I know there are times when he is. He’s always been bad at asking for help and I think- I don’t know. Sometimes I think it’s because _he_ thinks there’s something to prove. Like… just because Apollo never paid attention to him he thinks that unless he can prove himself, we won’t love him either.”

Nico fought the urge to tell her that she was probably right. Will pushed himself way past the acceptable limits of any demigod because, according to him, he never had enough to give. He had always viewed his powers as weak, at best, even though he was single-handedly responsible for saving most of their lives at one point or another.

“It- It bums me out,” she said. “Because he doesn’t need to be any different for us to love him. We want him just the way he is. Part of the reason Will is so amazing is because he _isn’t_ Apollo’s favourite. He works hard for everything he has and- no one, not any of us can come even close to healing the things Will can. He’s exceptional but he doesn’t-” Kayla turned and looked at Nico. “You probably know all of this.” Nico gave her a tight smile. “Better than anyone, probably. I just- I wish he practiced what he preached.”

“Me too.”

“It probably seems a little hypocritical to you, huh?”

“Why?”

“Because he’s always so hard on you about taking care of yourself.”

Nico shrugged. “Not really. I know it’s not easy. It’s hard to undo a lifetime of thinking something that isn’t true.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” she said, kicking her shoes in the dirt. “I just wish he understood how we all feel about him.” Kayla drew a line in the dirt with the toe of her shoe. “Hey, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want.”

“Sure.”

“You and Will... are you…?”

Nico’s fingers twitched against the bench beneath them. The weight of the wood felt heavy against his hands and without meaning to he thought about waking up late on Sunday mornings with Will within arm’s reach. About the way his laugh was still something Nico could pick out in the middle of a crowd, or arguing with him and never once thinking that walking away would be better. Then finally, he thought about the way it felt when he, after years of wanting to, let himself kiss, and be kissed by, Will.

Friends…

Best friends…

Nothing fit, but Nico didn’t have another answer.

“Friends,” he said, swallowing down the bitter taste it left in his mouth.

“You kissed him.”

“I did,” Nico agreed, staring at the ground and feeling the weight of Will’s necklace heavy around his neck. “And… in hindsight, I probably should have done it a long time ago.”

“Oh,” Kayla said.

And Nico figured that about summed it up.

Kayla looked back at the ground, drawing designs with the toe of her shoe. It was a nervous habit, like Will and his ace bandage, but most of their similarities ended there. Will was calm and all his energy stayed in the tips of his fingers, but Kayla was like Nico. She kept all her energy wrapped in her muscles, back in her shoulders and arms so she could draw her bow at any moment. She was strong and she was quick, and it wasn’t that Will wasn’t, she just was more in tune with her reflexes. Kayla was a warrior and Will was a healer.

Kayla’s foot stopped moving.

“It should have been me,” she said. Her hands curled into fists and she pressed them against the bench. “It’s not fair that the Oracle asked Will to do this. It should have been me.”

 _Probably_ , Nico thought and then felt guilty for doing so.

“The Oracle had no right asking Will,” Kayla said. “He doesn’t owe Apollo anything.”

“None of you do.”

“That’s not true.”

“You don’t need to defend him. He’s a-”

“Not to me,” Kayla said. “I didn’t- I didn’t tell Will because I felt bad but… I _knew_ Apollo. He was still in my life for a really long time. He still visits my father, or he did before, ya know, this all started but… When I was a kid, I used to see him a lot. We- we were kind of a family and I- I _loved_ Apollo. He was my idol. I wanted to be just like him, but then I came to camp and I met Will and I couldn’t figure out how the Apollo I knew could be the same one that Will _never_ knew.” Kayla drew her eyebrows together. “It’s not fair. Apollo never gave him anything. He shouldn’t be the one who has to die for him.”

Nico’s stomach turned and for a moment, the arena around them seemed to spin as he fought the urge to throw up at the mention of Will dying. He placed a hand over the stone around his neck and watched as the light remained lit and bright. He closed his fist around it and let its warmth ground him. “I don’t-“ Nico cleared his throat. “I don’t think the gods know what fair is.”

“But your dad does, right?” Kayla asked, looking over at Nico. “He makes sure people get what they deserve… right?”

“I uh…” Nico swallowed hard. “He does his best.”

“You can say something to him, can’t you?”

“I don’t- It doesn’t-“

“Will deserves to go to Elysium.”

Nico’s throat felt tight. His lungs were too big and his throat was too small. He couldn’t remember how to breathe and the only thing he could see was Will standing at the gates of the Underworld.

Nico squeezed his eyes shut.

 _This isn’t how it ends_ , he told himself. _This doesn’t have to be the only end._

He let out a breath. “If something happens to him… I can’t save him. I can only walk him through the gates.”

“But your dad-“

“The Underworld isn’t about who you know,” Nico said. “My father isn’t merciful. He’s fair. He exacts justice. Nothing else.”

There was a frown etched deep into the lines of Kayla’s face and she stared at the ground, clutching her hands into fists so tightly that her knuckles were white. Nico could see the frustration she was carrying and he sympathized. He felt just as helpless.

“I’m sorry,” he said, just to fill the air. “If I thought it would’ve helped, I would’ve already done something.”

“I know,” Kayla said. “I… yeah. I know. Sorry for asking.”

“It’s okay.”

Kayla stood, staring down at the ground before taking a deep breath.  “Thank you… for talking. I know it’s not easy.” Nico did his best to give her a smile, but it fell short. “If you need anything… you know where I am. Please be careful with your wrist.”

“I’ll try.”

“That’s good enough,” she said, lifting her eyes to Nico’s and giving him a tight smile. “See you around.”

She turned to leave, and as she did, Nico couldn’t help but feel a little bitter. All of him felt guilty for feeling that way, and he knew he had a strong bias, but as he watched her leave, he wondered why Apollo had preferred Kayla over Will.

What was it that made Will so forgettable?

Nico frowned and after a second he called out Kayla’s name. Kayla stopped in her tracks and turned back to look at him.

“When Apollo came to visit you and your dad…” Nico started. “Did you ever ask him about Will? About why he doesn’t know him?”

Kayla paused, shaking her head. “No,” she said slowly. “He always refused to talk about Will…”

Nico’s shoulders sank and Kayla dropped her eyes to the ground, chewing on the corner of her mouth before looking back up at Nico.

“But sometimes…” she said, causing Nico to look back up at her. “Sometimes he talked about Naomi.”

Nico paused, blinking up at her with furrowed brows but Kayla said nothing, turning to walk out of the arena and leaving Nico behind feeling strangely disarmed. 

 

* * *

 

 

The following afternoon, Nico found himself standing outside the door to Will’s mother’s apartment and it occurred to him that he probably should have asked for permission to leave the camp. Chiron probably would have understood or maybe even told him what he wanted to know but when Kayla said Apollo had spoken about Will’s mother, Nico’s brain sort of lapsed and he decided that the answers he needed couldn’t wait.

He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know why all of sudden understanding Apollo and Will’s relationship seemed like the most important thing in the world, but it was. He figured it might be one part distraction and two parts hope that maybe Will’s odds for survival were greater than Nico had initially anticipated, but whatever it was, it was now bordering obsession.

 _Still_ , Nico thought, staring at the grain of the door to the apartment, _I could have at least said something_.

Nico took a breath, and with a heavy hand, raised his fist and rapped his knuckles against the door.

Soon there were footsteps, the click of a lock and then Will’s mother’s face appeared, soft and smiling, as if she had been expecting him.

“Hi sweetheart,” she said. Nico’s confidence and purpose crumbled. Her eyes were the same blue as Will’s and Nico hadn’t thought things through enough to anticipate that hurting as much as it did. Her voice sounded like home and when she pushed open the door and gestured for him to come inside, Nico stepped forward and hugged her.

She was shocked for half a second, but then she was wrapping her arms tightly around him. Not long ago Nico had to stand tall to even be on the same level as her, but now she was dwarfed by his height. He missed it, a little, when he used to be the one wrapped up, but she still smelled like familiar things and when she pressed a kiss to the side of his head, he felt warm.

“You know, every time I see you, I feel like you get a little bit taller.”

The corners of Nico’s mouth quirked up in spite of himself. “You knew I was coming.”

“I did,” she said with a nod, leaning her head against the side of Nico’s. “Chiron told me to expect you.”

 _Should’ve known,_ Nico thought. “Did he tell why?”

“I have an idea, but I told him I would prefer to hear it from you.” Will’s mother stepped back, resting her hands against Nico’s arm and looking into his eyes. “Will you come inside?”

Nico nodded, stepping through the doorway and into the apartment.

“Are you hungry?” She asked. Nico shook his head. “Thirsty?”

“No, I’m-“

“Do you want to lie down for a bit then? You look exhausted, sweetheart and I know that’s kind of a long trip for-“

“Mom,” Nico said. “I’m fine. I promise.”

“Okay,” she said, reluctantly. “I guess that means we should talk then.”

“You don’t look like you want to.”

“Yeah. I’m not sure I really want to hear what you’re about to tell me.”

Nico pushed his lips into a thin line and followed as she took a seat at the kitchen table. “What did Chiron tell you?” he asked.

“That Will was on a quest,” she said, gesturing for Nico’s hand atop the table so she could cover it with her own. “He wouldn’t tell me what it was about, but if it has anything to do with Apollo I can guess how it ends.” She lifted her eyes to look at Nico. “And it is, isn’t it?”

Nico paused for a long moment and then nodded his head.

Will’s mother let out a shaky breath. Her eyes fell shut and then her hands came up over her face, hiding it from Nico’s view as she crumpled into them. She made a broken sort of sound into her palms and Nico felt helpless all over again. He had come searching for answers but it might have been selfish to come at all.

He reached forward and rested his hand against her forearm and after a moment, Will’s mother dropped one of her hands to rest over his. She squeezed his hand and then slowly nodded her head, lifting her other hand to wipe the wetness from her cheeks as she took a deep breath.

“What did the Oracle say?” she asked.

“It’s not worth knowing.”

“Nico-“

“It’s not,” Nico repeated, looking directly into her eyes. “It’s all you’ll think about. I promise. It won’t do you any favours.”

Will’s mother looked as if she wanted to object but then stopped. “Who is he with?”

“Lou Ellen and Cecil.”

“Where are they going?”

“To find Artemis but after that I don’t know.”

“What did Chiron say?”

“I don’t know,” Nico admitted. “I wasn’t- Will kept me out of it.” Will’s mother’s head bobbed. “You’re not surprised.”

“No. Not really.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” she said. “If it were you, you would’ve done the same thing.”

“I wouldn’t have-“

“Left him behind to keep him safe?” Will’s mother asked doubtfully. “Yes, you would’ve.”

“I-“ Nico stared down at the table, balling his hands up into fists. “Yeah.”

“I don’t know why you think it would be any different for Will.”

“I’m a son of Hades.”

“You think he cares?”

“He should. I could at least-“

“What? Keep him safe?” she offered. “At what cost? Your own life? He knows you. He knows better than to have you around when he is in danger.”

Nico’s jaw clenched. “And you?”

“Me?”

“What do you think?”

“I think he’s probably right. You’d put yourself in harm’s way for him in a heartbeat. He’s smart and most of the time he reads you like a book. He can take care of himself. He’s quick if nothing else and- Where’s your bracelet?”

Will’s mother’s eyes locked onto Nico’s wrist, and he could see her spine go straight as her eyes went wide. He tugged the cord of the necklace out from underneath the collar of his shirt, letting it fall against the fabric on his chest. Will’s mother visibly relaxed and after a brief pause, Nico took it off and handed it to her.

The light of the stone was pulsing quickly and her lips fell into a tight line as she held it reverently in her palm.

“You know what it is,” Nico said slowly. Will’s mother pulled her mouth into a thin smile.

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

Nico hesitated, remembering the weight of Will in his hands, the clumsy bump of their mouths, and the way Will’s eyes had never been bluer than when he looked at Nico and told him he was afraid he would never come back.

Nico’s chest throbbed.

“He told me,” he said finally. “He- He told me.”

Will’s mother tried to smile. “That’s good.”

“You’ve always known though, haven’t you?” Nico asked. “Way before I ever did.”

“Of course,” she said, reaching out to give the necklace back to Nico. “I was the one Apollo made it for.”

Nico’s mind stuttered and instead of saying anything, he stared back at her owlishly.

Will’s mother let out a long breath, spreading out her fingers against the table and looking back up at Nico. “You didn’t come here to tell me about Will. You came to ask me why Apollo wants nothing to do with him, right?” Nico said nothing. “That’s what I thought.”

Nico looked down at his hands, too ashamed to look anywhere else. It was true. His entire visit had been self-serving and he felt even worse when he realized that he hadn’t even once considered what something like this might do Will’s mother. He had so easily thrown it at Will as guilt, but when it was his turn, it was never even a passing thought.

“I don’t… mind. I should’ve- …It’s only fair that I give you some answers.”

“You don’t have to,” Nico said.

“No,” she agreed. “But I probably should have just explained this to both of you a long time ago. It might’ve made things easier.” She paused. “It’s a long story, but I’ll try to just keep to the important parts.”

“I don’t mind.”

“You might,” Will’s mother said, looking up at the ceiling as if she were recalling something. “I was… nineteen when I ran away to Texas. It wasn’t the first time I had run away, but it was the last. I took my guitar, a backpack full of clothes, and… really not much else because nothing else was important. I played in every nasty, old bar that would let me and when I couldn’t find a place to play, I busked on street corners. I was dirty, broke, and hungry but… I was happy. I was happier than I had ever been in my entire life because I felt like, I don’t know. Like I was really doing what I wanted. I wasn’t following someone else’s rules and it was just me and the music and then… Apollo.” The corners of Will’s mother’s mouth curled upward. “He showed up out of nowhere and I still don’t know how he found me, or what it was that drew him to me but… I fell in love with him the moment we met. He was handsome and interesting, _so_ talented and… I mean, how could I not? He was a _god_. He was musical and radiant and _really_ good at getting me out of my clothes-”

Nico made a sour face. Will’s mother scoffed.

“Don’t even. I used to be young and beautiful once, you know.”

“Yeah. But still.”

“Right,” she smiled. “Anyway, without all the gory details-

“Gross.”

“Of which there were _many_.”

“Seriously, mom. Please.”

Will’s mother rolled her eyes. “ _Anyway,_ it was a whirlwind. We didn’t stay in Texas very long. Eventually we left and just… travelled. We lived at music festivals, played live in the most amazing places and it was just… It was incredible. I thought we would be together forever.”

“So then… what went wrong?”

Will’s mother’s face fell. “I found out I was pregnant,” she said. “And I- I panicked. I didn’t want to be. I couldn’t be. I was way too young. I was supposed to have my whole life ahead of me. I wasn’t sure I _ever_ wanted children, let alone when I was nineteen. So I- I told Apollo I didn’t want the child and I thought that was going to be the end, but it wasn’t. He said it wasn’t a problem. He had this camp that would take care of him and so after he was born we could just take him there and that would be it. We could go back to living our life just the way it was before and the kid would probably be better off anyway.”

Nico frowned.

“But that’s not how it went,” she said, no longer looking at Nico as her voice tightened. “Because when I saw Will… everything changed. I couldn’t- Before that I thought- I thought I knew what it was like to love something, but… I didn’t. I had no idea. It wasn’t until I saw Will that I realized that nothing, _nothing_ would ever be more important than him. I _loved_ him. Instantly. I loved him more than I had ever loved anything and it was almost like when I had met Apollo but just… better. He was perfect and all my plans, all my self-interested ideas, even Apollo… they just stopped being important. All I wanted was Will, and the cost to keep him just didn’t matter.”

Will’s mother sat back and wiped her hands across her cheeks.

“When Apollo came to take him I told him I couldn’t do it. He wasn’t mad at first but when he realized I meant to take Will home and raise him, he started to be. I told him I didn’t want to do... whatever it was that we were doing anymore. I told him I was going to go home and raise our son and at first he tried to be a charming about it. He tried to tell me we could still be part of his life but we didn’t have to be there all the time. He-“ Will’s mother motioned to the stone lying next to Nico’s chest. “He made that for me. He said it was a gift, so I could always know Will was all right even when I wasn’t close but… I told him he couldn’t bribe me to stay with him. After that, he- he got really angry. I told him there wasn’t anything that he could give me that would be more important than Will and… I didn’t quite get it at first, why he was so mad, but now I realize that it was never really about Will. It was about me saying no to a god and choosing something else over him.”

“Gods don’t do well with that,” Nico said. “They like thinking they’re they most important things in the world.”

“So I discovered,” Will’s mother nodded. “Apollo certainly wasn’t an exception.”

“He didn’t do anything, did he?”

“What do you mean?”

“To you and Will. Did he-“

“Oh. No,” she said quickly. “He didn’t- I mean, he didn’t try to hurt us. Apollo was furious but I think at least a part of him understood how I was feeling. He really just… disappeared mostly. He wasn’t cruel, just spiteful. The last time I saw him was on Will’s fifth birthday and he only- I don’t know. Maybe it wasn’t him. I just- It feels like a long time ago but seventeen years probably doesn’t feel like much to him. I just… wish he didn’t make Will pay for my decisions. I wish he could at least acknowledge that Will had nothing to do with it. He can do what he wants with me but this wasn’t Will’s fault. Will has only ever been loving and gentle and… all he does is try to make the world better. He didn’t- he didn’t deserve this.” Will’s mother closed her eyes. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

A stray tear slipped down Will’s mother’s cheek and Nico’s chest tightened. The entire time Nico had known her she had always seemed like a mortal goddess. She was the keeper of calm and warmth, and whenever something went wrong, she had always been there to make it better. She had made sure he had clothes for the winter, took him to get his haircut when it was too far into his eyes, and taught him about all the things he missed while he was in the Lotus Casino.

She had always been a pillar of strength but now as Nico looked closer, he could see the cracks and breaks of where life had tested her limits. Now, she looked human, and Nico was unsurprised to realize that instead of being shocked or dismayed by her humanness, he loved her more.

“I’m sorry,” she said, interrupting Nico’s thoughts. “I never meant to make Will expendable and I didn’t realize that was what I was doing. I really thought I was doing the right thing and- and maybe it was selfish but I couldn’t- I couldn’t let him go. I- I wasn’t like you and Will. You are both such wonderful, _amazing_ boys and I don’t know what I did to deserve that because I was a nightmare for my parents. I’m sorry that my mistakes are something you and Will have to pay for and-“

“We’re not,” Nico said quickly, placing a hand over Will’s mother’s. “And they’re not… _your_ mistakes. Their Apollo’s. You did what was best for Will.”

“I _thought_ I was-“

“You _did_ ,” he reiterated. “Being a demigod isn’t easy, especially when you don’t have any parents to help you along the way. Don’t ever think Will would’ve been better without you.”

Will’s mother pressed her lips together. “I know. I’m sorry. You know this better than-“

“No,” Nico said, shaking his head. “I don’t, because when you made the decision to stay with Will, you saved me too.”

A moment of silence settled between them and then Will’s mother looked over at Nico with tears streaming out of her eyes. She dropped her hand back on top of Nico’s and squeezed it tightly.

“You’re a good mom,” Nico said.

“I’ve tried. Really hard.”

“It’s been more than enough.”

“Oh sweetheart,” Will’s mother said with a watery laugh. “That’s the thing. It will never be enough. I will always want more for the both of you.”

Nico didn’t know how to respond, but he understood. Instead, he leaned his head down against her hand and Will’s mother gently lifted her fingers and combed through the edges of his hair.

“Thank you for being with me… and I- I just want you to know that if anything-” Will’s mother’s voice cracked and Nico didn’t have to see her to know she was still crying. “If anything happens…” she continued, “that doesn’t mean our family is broken, okay?”

Nico nodded his head against the table and tried his best to keep his vision clear.

“I love you just like you were mine from the start, okay? That’s not going to ever change.”

Nico squeezed his eyes shut tight and then peeled himself back up from the table, staring down at the grain. Will’s mother took both his hands into hers and ducked her head to catch his gaze.

“We’re going to be okay.”

“I know,” Nico said quietly.

“And Will is tough,” she said with a small smile. “You’ve trained him well. He might not be a fighter like you, but he’s still a demigod and you know better than anyone that he doesn’t give up. If there’s a way to survive this all, he’ll find it.”

Nico’s chest tightened and all the air in his lungs felt like it was swelling and threating to swallow him whole. Nico _missed_ him. He just wanted him home.

Will’s mother ran her thumb along the tops of Nico’s knuckles and when Nico lifted his eyes to meet her, she was watching him with a soft sort of expression.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she said.

“It’s not your fault.”

Will’s mother shook her head. “That’s not what I meant. I just…- It’s not always like this.”

“What’s not?”

“Being in love.”

Nico’s shoulders tensed but the world didn’t crash down around him. Hearing it out loud seemed a lot less jarring than he had expected and he suspected it was the fact that it was Will’s mother that the blow had been softened. It was still strange to hear but at the same time, something heavy lifted itself from his chest and it all felt a lot less suffocating.

He let all the air out of his lungs.

“It hurts,” he admitted.

“I know, but it gets better.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“No one usually does.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Well, no one said you were quick.”

Nico shot her a suffering look. “You’re not helping.”

“Maybe,” Will’s mother smiled.

“How did you know?”

“Mother’s intuition,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders. “And it’s written all over you. Sometimes it can be hard _not_ to tell.”

Nico’s cheeks flushed. “Does he know?”

“To be honest, I’m not really sure,” Will’s mother said, leaning her cheek against her hand. “He’s very tight-lipped when it comes to you so… I don’t know. Probably not. You’re both pretty dense when it comes to each other.”

Nico let out a sigh and he wasn’t quite sure if it was relief or disappointment. He _wanted_ Will to know. He wanted Will to know and reciprocate but he wasn’t sure if _I love you_ meant _as a brother_ or _as a lover_. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, telling him would be traditional.”

Nico shook his head. “I can’t. And… it doesn’t matter anyway. I might not ever get the chance.”

Will’s mother’s face fell and Nico wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t. Everything hurt and all he wanted to do was lay down and pretend none of this was happening. He just wanted to wake up with Will back and all of this over but reality sat heavy and the only things Nico could hear were things like: _expendable_ and _he didn’t deserve this_.

Will’s mother dropped a hand into his hair. “Why don’t you go lie down, sweetheart?”

“I didn’t tell Chiron I was leaving.”

“I know, but he told me you would be. So just go ahead and sleep for a while. You can stay for dinner at least.”

Nico stared down at the tabletop and then nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

Nico lifted himself out of the chair, limbs weary and eyes struggling to stay open. He stumbled toward Will’s room and out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of the golden glow of Will’s heartbeat against his shirt. It was steadier now and so he reached up and touched the gem, his free hand digging into the doorframe of Will’s room.

_I was the one Apollo made it for._

Nico turned back.

“Mom,” he said. “Why- I- …The necklace. It’s supposed to be yours.”

Will’s mother tilted her head, watching the pulse near Nico’s heart with sad eyes before slowly shaking her head and offering him a small smile. “No, sweetheart. It’s yours. He gave it to you. That’s where it belongs.”

Something about the way she said it made Nico feel like, for a moment, everything was exactly the way it should be. Will’s room smelled like him; like home, and lazy afternoons, and the feeling of Nico’s own heart skipping two beats. It felt like nothing had gone wrong, but when Nico spread his hand out to the space next to him, he found nothing but sheets.

Nico’s chest ached, his eyes stung and no matter how brightly the heartbeat next to his own glowed, it wasn’t enough. Nico squeezed his eyes shut, clenching fistfuls of empty sheets until the rest of the world faded out and exhaustion finally took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best work. Holy dialogue, Batman.
> 
> Big shout out to everyone who hopped on Tumblr and was super supportive as I struggled with my health and recovery (autoimmune disease + surgery + incredibly poor reaction to anesthesia = fuck everything). My goal is to never have a gap quite this long again. Thanks for being troopers <3
> 
> https://kazymyrz.tumblr.com/


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